A Different Path In Flight
by WhizkidHV
Summary: Three years after the good ending of A Different Path, Emiya Shirou lives a relatively peaceful life running random tasks for Rin in her experiments with the Second Magic while trying to get a better grasp on his own Magic. One day, returning to Japan from a trip overseas, he finds out that Tokyo has been bought out and his parents are alive. Weird how that works out sometimes.
1. Chapter 1

Shirou stared at the screen in front of him. "You have got to be kidding me."

A white-haired woman stood by, avoiding his gaze. "…It seems impossible, but the system is foolproof."

Shirou had flown back to Japan from Europe. It was the usual flight, but it seemed that sometime in his absence, Tokyo had changed. Some new company had bought up the entire city and added all sorts of high-tech security. That meant that his departure from his flight now involved an extra layer of difficulty in the form of a dna scanner to ensure he wasn't a wanted terrorist.

And that dna scanner was apparently telling him that one of his long lost parents was standing in front of him, alive and well. And that his name was apparently Minato something or another.

Well. It still wasn't the strangest thing to happen to him. That time where Rin went a bit crazy in her experiments and sent him to some weird underwater city with a talking sponge was worse than this.

"So… can I go now?"

"Excuse me?"

Shirou shrugged. "It's a welcome surprise to find out my mother's alive… but I have to catch a cab soon. There are people waiting for me to get back home. And that lady in the corner there's kind of scary with that sword and all."

Not really, especially considering what he'd gone through in the past few years, but it was enough of an excuse.

"Karasuba." The woman- no, his mother, glared at the other woman in the room. Said woman shrugged and strolled out, though not before giving Shirou a sly smile.

…That might have been due to the twenty swords pointed at her neck while his mother wasn't looking, but that wasn't here nor there.

"Sorry about that," Shirou's mother said. "Karasuba can be a bit… overprotective."

"Seems like it. So, about that cab, Miss…?"

A frown crossed her face, but it quickly vanished. "Takami. Sahashi Takami."

"Right. Takami-san." Shirou hefted his bag and stood up. "Now that this has been settled, I really have to go." Ayako and Sakura would nag him about it all day if he was late.

"…Won't you at least stay the night in the city?"

Shirou hesitated. While it didn't affect him too much to find out his parents were alive… it probably would have a big impact on the other party's end, wouldn't it? Unlike him, they had to live all those years with the memories of the one they had lost. Of the son who died too young.

"…I suppose a night or two won't hurt."

* * *

"So you're ditching us again, Emiya-kun?"

"I'm telling you it's not my fault this time, Ayako. How was I supposed to know I'd suddenly meet my long lost parent at the airport?"

"Oh sure. As if it's any more of a surprise than finding out that Archer's you from the future."

"…That's a low blow. How was I supposed to know you could summon Servants from the future?"

"Kirito?"

"…Alright, you got me. But it really isn't my fault this time."

A long sigh sounded from the other side of the phone. "I know. You're always finding yourself in these troublesome situations. First that Shiki guy and then that Queen chick… sometimes I wonder if you're too good for your own sake."

Shirou scratched the back of his head. "…Anyway, do you mind breaking the news to Sakura for me?"

"Oh sure, leave it to me to break our kouhai's little heart."

Shirou winced. "I-"

"I'm just messing with you, Shirou. And Sakura already expected something like this would happen, so she made her favorite food tonight instead of yours. We're having a girl's night out with Ilya."

"...That's fair. I guess this has been happening everytime I come back…"

"Yeah. So don't stress about it and spend some time with my newlyfound future in-laws, will you?"

"Bu- wha? Ayako!"

"Talk to you later, Emiya-kun!"

Ayako hung up before he could get another word in.

Shirou sighed and tucked his phone into his pocket. That done, he took a look around his residence for the next few nights. "And I thought I'd seen enough money thrown around back in London."

Rather than renting him a hotel, it looked like Takami rented him a whole flat in what was once Roppongi Hills. Something or another about being close to her work and the rest of the family.

"I wonder if she's the overprotective type?"

Initially Shirou had planned to stay in a cheap hotel, but that option was thrown out the window when Takami found out. A few phone calls later and he had the keys to the flat he was currently in. Judging from the fact that she didn't tell him when to return them, it probably meant the place was his indefinitely.

It was a large, two bedroom flat on the top floor. The type that was extremely expensive to rent and one that was furnished with posh, modern attire and décor. That included a kitchen with more utilities than Shirou thought existed until about five minutes ago when he traced the whole setup for future use.

Shirou sighed and walked over to the slide door that opened to a patio. It was nearing night time, and the city was beginning to light up in response. While the day might near an end, that wasn't true for the nightlife of the city or its inhabitants.

Takami said they would meet up the next day, so that meant he didn't have any plans until then. "Guess I'll go take a look around town."

Seeing as how the entire makeup of the city had changed since he had last been in Tokyo, it wasn't a bad plan.

Maybe that would let him find out what all those weird magical signals he was seeing were too.

* * *

Streetlights illuminated the roads with a soft luminesence. There weren't any cars around, and in the area Shirou was walking, there weren't any people either. As for where exactly he was walking, well, the simple answer was that he got lost. And for some reason, his phone's navigation wasn't working due to interference of some kind. The last time it worked was when he called Ayako to check up on her, actually.

Anyway, Shirou was walking along some deserted alleyways in the depths of New Tokyo. It looked to be a residential area, considering the few houses he saw around him. The lights in them were all out, their residents likely fast asleep or out in the city proper considering it was a Friday evening.

Because of that, Shirou was undisturbed, left to his lonesome to wander the city. Quiet, peaceful, and without a soul in sight. Just like the good old days patrolling the streets of Fuyuki, except without the whole chance of running into superhuman heroic figures.

And because of that, he should have expected it.

"Dammit. Maybe Archer's on to something about our luck stat…"

A playground. One for children in the residential area to play at. There, sitting upon the swing, was a young woman with a vacant expression. Her hair was short and colored a soft gray tinged blue, like the color of fresh frost.

It was also stained with flecks of crimson, the same color that covered the oversized labcoat barely covering her body and revealing an ample pair of… assets.

For a second, Shirou thought about ignoring her. After five years being around Rin and the magical society, he knew trouble when he saw it. After that second passed though, Shirou walked towards the woman. In the end, despite the differences between him and his counterparts, he was still Emiya Shirou at his core, and Emiya Shirou wouldn't abandon someone in need.

"Excuse me," he said. "Do you need any help?"

She didn't reply. In fact, the woman seemed like she barely registered Shirou, her eyes glancing at him for only a moment before looking away again.

Shirou sat down on the swing next to the woman. This time, there was a bigger response. The woman turned her head and stared at him with wide eyes.

"…It's pretty dangerous for a woman to be out this late at night by themselves. Do you have anyone I should contact to come pick you up?"

"…No."

An obvious response considering the state she was in, but a question Shirou had to ask regardless.

"I see. Then, do you need a place to stay for the night? And clothes? I doubt it'll comfortable to stay out here in that outfit."

That and she'd probably get the cops called on her in the morning when the residents saw her.

"…No. A broken failure like me should just stay here."

Broken. A failure. Words spoken with a dejected tone. The tone of someone who had given up on the world.

Considering the state she was in, a myriad of scenarios came to mind that could have caused her to act like that. But in the end, the action Shirou had to take was clear.

"Well, broken or not, I won't leave you here alone by yourself. Come on." Shirou held out his hand.

The woman stared at it, her lips trembling. "…Can I?"

Shirou nodded. "Whatever your circumstances are, it won't get any better sitting around here. And if you have no where else to be… well, I suppose another misfit at the Emiya household wouldn't be too out of place." His last words were muttered to himself, but the woman seemed to have cheered up a bit at that.

She reached out and took his hand. "…Warm."

Considering how cold her hand was, it was no wonder she said that.

"…Ah. One thing before we go."

"Yes?"

Shirou turned around and smiled. "I'm a Wizard."

And with that, the pair vanished, leaving only a quickly fading blade behind in their place.

* * *

A/N: Just a one-shot for now. Nothing much, just a what-if I wrote while trying to unblock myself on what to write next for Sword of Origin and Champion of a Distant Dream. If I ever continue this, it'll probably be just some shenanigans with Shirou no-selling a good portion of the plot line. Hope it was a fun short read though.


	2. Chapter 2

"So let me get this straight, Emiya-kun. In the span of a day returning to Japan, you manage to find your long lost parents and pick up a stray bird?"

"Parent, actually. And Sekirei is apparently the name of their species and not a bird, but otherwise that's about right, Rin."

A long suffering sigh came from Shirou's phone. Although he couldn't see her at the moment, he knew her enough to know that she had a hand placed over her face at the moment. "How do you keep getting into these weird messes?"

Shirou frowned and leaned back on his chair. "I dunno. Maybe from all of the weird places you keep sending me? Still haven't forgiven you for that talking sponge incident by the way."

"Oh shut it. Be grateful for the fact that you got to revolutionize the cooking culture of an entire civilization."

"…You call a school of fish 'civilization'?"

"Details, seashells."

"…That was terrible."

Rin coughed and said, "Anyway, there shouldn't be a problem. I'm not sure what's going on in Tokyo, but it shouldn't be anything too dangerous. Why don't you ask Sakura? She should know more about it as the Second Owner of Fuyuki now, shouldn't she?"

"Rin. You know why I called you."

Rin was quiet for a moment and then sighed. "Alright, alright. I'll take a look. You said that your mom was called Takami?"

"Sahashi Takami, yes."

There was another moment of silence on the line. In the background on Rin's side, Shirou could hear water running.

"…Are you talking to me while taking a shower?"

"N-no! What makes you think that?"

"…Wait. It would be around night time over there right now… Don't tell me you were-"

"Found it!"

Shirou wanted to press the point, but after a moment decided it wasn't worth the hassle. "Alright. So, what's going on here? I know for a fact that when I got on that plane, Tokyo was still the same as it always was. Don't tell me you messed up another experiment and got our world mixed up with another one again."

"…I won't tell you?"

"Rin!"

"Geez, Mister Shirius. Fine. I… might have exploded another gem sword the other day?"

Shirou sighed and covered his face. "First of all, that pun was bad. Stop. Second of all… didn't I _just_ tell you to hold off on messing with those until I got back? It's just a week Rin. Can't you wait that long before messing up reality again? I'm the one who has to deal with all of this, you know?"

"…Love you?"

Shirou frowned. "You're not getting out of this that easy. It was already a pain fixing the last mess you made with that giant dinosaur."

"...At least life is more exciting this way?"

Shirou ran his hand through his silver hair and said, "At least tell me you're dealing with the Clock Tower over there. I don't have to make a report about all of this, right?"

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. Apparently the Second Owner of Tokyo will deal… with … that."

"Uh-huh. And that person right now is…?"

"…What's that? Ksh. You're breaking up. Ksh."

"Rin- dammit. She hung up. And she still didn't tell me what world got crossed with ours. Again."

Shirou shook his head and pocketed his phone. That was becoming a recurring theme recently with her. Maybe he should take Ayako's advice and help Rin let off some steam on a honeymoon trip. Better that then her blowing up more gem swords and having patches from random worlds stuck on their reality. Granted, the wedding was still a few months away, but-

"Shirou-sama." A calm voice interrupted his thoughts. Akitsu walked out from the bathroom wearing a pink blouse and white skirt.

Shirou was worried that Sakura's old clothes wouldn't fit Akitsu, but it looked like he made the right judgment about her sizes. Akitsu was a little bit bigger than Sakura around the chest, but not by too much. Maybe a size or two at most… hm. It looked like the bras were a no-go though. He'd probably have to take Akitsu shopping soon to fix that… or he could just order it from Amazon.

On second thought, that'd be less embarrassing for everyone around.

…He'd just have to make sure Ilya didn't see his Amazon order history in the near future. Or Ayako. Or Rin. Or... actually, shopping seems to be a better idea. At least the embarrassment wouldn't be permanently archived on the internet.

"…Shirou-sama?"

"Ah, right. Sorry about that, Akitsu. Here, take a seat." Shirou gestured towards the chair in front of him.

After picking up Akitsu at the playground, he'd warped them both back to his place. The first thing he did was to get Akitsu to shower and change, considering he'd get all sorts of strange questions from the neighbors if he let her stay like that. After that, he called Rin to get a handle on why his life had taken yet another turn towards the stranger side of things, but apparently that was a fruitless endeavor.

And now he was faced with a young woman who was convinced she was broken… and who apparently also wasn't entirely human. Or human at all.

"So…" Shirou wondered where to start. "You said that you were broken because you couldn't find an Ashikabi?"

* * *

Takami stared at her laptop and then took a long drag out of her cigarette. After the sudden and rapid discovery that her son hadn't died in a fire over fifteen years ago, she used all the resources she had on hand to find out how she missed him and what he had been up to since then.

She was in her apartment, lounging after a long night at the MBI office making sure the rest of the Sekirei adjustments went well before they began being released the next day. That, and dealing with the aftermath of a scrapped number breaking free.

Letting out a long sigh, Takami turned her gaze back to her laptop and the reports she had on her son. What she had found was… unexpected.

Adopted by Emiya Kiritsugu, an infamous mercenary for hire, Shirou seemed to have a relatively ordinary childhood. No illnesses, no trips to emergency rooms… it was pretty impressive, actually. Even if Emiya Kiritsugu was a cold-hearted killer, the man seemed to care for Shirou like a proper father should if her son's clean bill of health was any indication.

At least until the man died from a viral infection a few years after adopting Shirou. Following that, guardianship of Shirou went to a woman called Taiga Fujimura. Apparently a family friend… who held connections to the local yakuza.

However, it seemed that Shirou's childhood went well in spite of that. His school records weren't stellar, but they weren't terrible either. A few A's here, a couple B's there.

It was when Shirou graduated that his story got… interesting.

At age 18, a marriage certificate was filed between him and a Matou Sakura. With some additional research, Takami found that Sakura was his kouhai, one that frequently visited his home after an incident in the archery club during Shirou's second year of high school.

Fine. He married a bit young for Takami's taste, but it seemed to be a story of highschool sweethearts so she didn't mind that.

But then the next year, a marriage certificate was filed between him and a Tohsaka Rin. In England. It seemed that after graduating from high school, Shirou left the country to follow a fellow classmate who obtained a place at Oxford. That classmate was the Miss Tohsaka Rin in the marriage certificate. She was admitted to a physics program studying parallel dimensions while he… was admitted as a visiting scholar to teach metaphysics.

Her son, an ordinary student in high school, suddenly offered a position as a guest lecturer in Oxford University. In disbelief, Takami scoured the academic field for his published research… and realized that a mediocre high schooler had become the head of the field in metaphysics with over a thousand citations on his publications.

At that point, Takami got a small headache. However, it didn't end there. After a year lecturing at Oxford, her son decided leading the field of metaphysics wasn't enough and published a dissertation that allowed for hyperrealistic computer graphics using projections and patented hardware that could generate immersive virtual reality. While it was still in beta testing, apparently some big name companies in Korea had partnered with him for the virtual reality hardware. Not only that, but in regards to the hyperrealistic graphics, Pixar apparently reached out to hire him as a consultant.

And if *that* wasn't enough, half a month after that, her son released a peer-reviewed article that introduced a new chemical compound that could revitalize the cell activity and reduce the degredation of telomeres. Where it came from and how he figured it out was a complete mystery to Takami.

If she didn't know any better, Takami would have believed that Shirou was a planted agent, one that had stolen MBI records and technology and somehow improved upon them. Except that all of the MBI employees were accounted for and that his publications cited previously existing work.

The damndest thing about it was that his work was common sense if you had the basis in that field. Only the connections and the way he applied them was extraordinary. Like the chemical compound was made of simple molecules and preexisting compounds. MBI had all of the material to synthesize it themselves, and it had been that way for the decade. But even with their experience from reverse engineering Sekirei technology, they didn't realize it.

Leaning back on her chair, Takami let out a long exhale. "No wonder he was in such a rush. The damned kid's been so busy he probably barely has any off time."

The more she searched, the more popped up about him. It was to the extent that Takami wondered how she had never heard of him until the day that machine went haywire. It was… almost like he dropped in out of nowhere. Except he didn't.

"My son's a genius. A damned, rich genius that probably works too hard judging from the color of his hair."

She should have expected it, considering who his parents were. While she didn't usually tout her own horn, Takami was a third of the reason why MBI got to where it was. Another third was Asama Takehito and as for the last… suffice to say intelligence ran in the family even on that bastard's side.

"…But what am I supposed to do now?"

She was ecstatic to find out that her son was alive. A private secondary test back at MBI confirmed the results. However, that son of hers had a family… in two countries apparently. That and he was constantly on the move if his flight records were any indication. Keeping him a day was already pushing it. Unless she wanted to wreck their relationship before it even started, she should send him off tomorrow with a pat on the back and a promise to visit.

…Except that the Sekirei plan had started and it seemed like Shirou had already winged one. The system wasn't completely up and running quite yet, so Takami didn't know which number had found him, but she doubted that it was an ordinary one.

Takami sighed and put out her cigarette on a nearby ashtray. "…He already has two wives, right? Another one or two wouldn't cause too much of an issue, would they?"

The words rang hollow to Takami's ears even as she spoke them.

"…Screw it. It's late, that bastard's been making me do overtime for the past three weeks, and tomorrow's going to be even more stressful when the rest of the Sekirei start getting released."

That decided, Takami closed her laptop and headed off to the bathroom for a long shower. After all of the stress she'd gone through that day, she deserved it.

* * *

Minaka Hiroto, head of MBI and the Sekirei plan, let out a long gulp as he listened to the person on the other line of his phone. "…You're telling me that the Sixth just strolled into my territory and is sticking around for a night? No, for what could be a few nights?"

"That's right."

"…Not only that, but he's my son. That is, my biological son. Not adopted, not a fake, but an honest to god bloodline descendent?"

"Yep."

"…Thank you for informing me, Miss Tohsaka. I hope… the rest of your day goes well."

Although Minaka couldn't see her face from his phone since she hadn't bothered to turn video chat on, he could imagine the exact expression Zelretch's number one apprentice had on her face right now.

"You as well Mr. Second Owner! Try not to stress him out, alright? He's been through a lot these past few weeks. Bye!"

Before he could respond, she had hung up.

Limply clutching his phone, Minaka Hiroto, the head of MBI, the mastermind of the Sekirei plan, and the Second Owner of Tokyo stared off into the nightscape of the city from his office on the top floor of MBI headquarters.

"…Somewhere out there, right now, I have a son. Not only that, my son is a Sorcerer. And not just any Sorcerer, one that managed to reach the root, come back, and can casually take a stroll to it at any time he wants just for the heck of it."

Minaka felt a headache starting and sighed. "Is this what Takami feels like dealing with me? …No wonder she filed for divorce."

* * *

A/N: Have another! Wrote this bit between finishing up Champion of a Distant Dream earlier and doing some more procrastination on machine learning homework. Don't expect regular chapters (hence the completed status), but I guess you can expect some small surprises every now and then whenever I update another fic.

As for Shirou's various accolades... hey, even a True Sorcerer has to have a day job, right? And it isn't plagiarism if it's from another world and you understand it.

I'll probably keep these short but I hope they're entertaining nonetheless. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

It was the day of the Sekirei Plan's opening. The final Sekirei adjustments had been completed and the employees that had been responsible for them would now become the ones who retrieved those who were terminated in the upcoming fights. In addition, Shin Tokyo's borders would become closed off to the Ashikabi, leading to potential chaos in the near future.

As the one responsible for all of that, mostly because that bastard kept punting work her way, it meant that Takami was in for a long and stressful few months. But before all of that, there was another thing she had to deal with first. Something even more stressful than making sure that over a hundred alien teenagers didn't go wild, get captured, or escaped the city.

She had to talk to her son.

Takami stared at the door in front of her. She wanted to pull out a cigarette, but the place that she rented for her son had a strict no-smoking policy so she had left them in her car. She had lived in enough apartments that weren't smoke-free to make sure her son didn't have to experience the same thing. Though, from what she knew of him now, it probably wouldn't have phased him. Considering that he flew across the world on a near weekly basis and was so busy, a place to sleep was a place to sleep.

…Of course, that was the case before the Sekirei Plan began. Now the place would have to be a second home until it was over.

While trying to figure out how to break the news to Shirou and tell him that it would be impossible for him to leave the city for at least a few months, the door opened. However, the person standing there wasn't her son.

A young woman with short gray hair that was tinged blue, giving it the color of fresh frost. Unlike the blood-stained lab coat Takami had last seen her in, she was dressed in a soft pink blouse and gray sweatpants, a much more relaxed attire. Not only that, but the hopeless expression that had been on her face was replaced with a brilliant smile, the kind that you would often see newly-weds have on their honey moon.

But more importantly than all of that, the crest on her forehead indicating that she was a scrapped number was gone. Something that should have been impossible.

…Takami really wished she had a cigarette. The headache she felt coming on definitely warranted it. But when she shifted her gaze behind Akitsu and saw the state Shirou was in outside on the patio, she realized that it could be a lot worse.

* * *

"So let me get this straight, Senpai. Not only did you get caught up in something troublesome again, but this time you managed to sink your claws into _another_ girl?"

Shirou ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "It's not like that, Sakura. I mean, I didn't do it on purpose! You know that the only ones I love are you, Rin, and Ayako, right?"

"Of course I do, Senpai. You don't give us a chance to not know that. But at the same time, you also don't give us a chance to stop worrying about when another girl is going to try and force her way into her life. Remember Luvia-chan?"

Shirou winced at the reminder.

It was the morning after he arrived in Shin Tokyo. It was also the morning after he found Akitsu and 'fixed' her, giving her the ability once again to seek out an Ashikabi, a Sekirei's fated lover. And it was also the morning of his new life as an Ashikabi, the husband of an incredibly powerful and decidedly not human wife.

…He really should have known better than to hand Akitsu a water bottle he drank from after she explained that Sekirei found their Ashikabi by exchanging genetic material. It was only just a few minutes ago that he managed to fix everything that was shredded when giant ice wings sprouted from Akitsu's back.

He blamed the habit on the fact that Rin kept forgetting to eat and drink unless he fed her whenever he was over. …In fact, a lot of what had happened to him in the past year could be blamed on Rin's actions.

…Alright. He would definitely take the chance to punish her when he got back. He didn't want to use them, but Ayako's early wedding gift of ropes and candles were starting to become more and more attractive in his eyes. After a session of that… hopefully Rin would calm down.

Unless she was into that sort of thing… which she might be, come to think of it. She seemed to get a kick every time he scolded her for doing something wrong-

"Senpai! Are you spacing out now, of all times?"

"N-No. Of course not! I was just… remembering how bad that incident was."

"Uh-huh. I bet you were remembering a lot more than that too, weren't you? Like Luvia-chan's ruffled hair the day after I came in to wake you up. Or were you remembering her lacy black lingerie?"

Shirou pinched the bridge of his nose. "Nothing happened that day, Sakura. Luvia just wanted to talk about reinforcement magic and how she could use it better. We just… happened to be in a compromising position when you and Rin walked in."

"Of course you were. I believe you." While her words said she believed in him, her cold tone of voice said otherwise.

Shirou didn't respond for a moment and instead stared at the city before him. After fixing the room up from the aftermath of Akitsu's winging, his first response was to pull out his phone and inform Sakura. To do that, he had opened the slide door and walked out to the patio overlooking the city.

He thought it would help clear his mind to get some fresh air and keep him calm while he confessed- er, explained his current circumstances to his first wife.

…It didn't.

Shirou shook his head and then turned his attention back to his phone and his understandably upset wife. "Come on, Sakura. You know me better than that."

After a long while, a sigh sounded from the other side of the phone. "I know, Senpai." Sakura's voice was soft now, completely lacking the biting tone from earlier. "It's just…"

"You get upset. I know. Seeing me with other girls when you're my wife can't make you happy at all."

"No, it's not that."

Eh?

Sakura sighed and said, "Do you know how much of a hassle it is to put those girls in their place? I mean, it took me the better part of a year to make sure that Nee-san took the role of the second wife, not first. Ayako-chan was nice enough to be content with a mistress position, so I didn't have to worry about that. But then you kept meeting all of those powerful women! It's hard, you know?"

Sakura took a deep breath and then continued. "I don't have Nee-san's presence, so people keep thinking I'm weak. And I don't really like confrontation, so then they think that I'm an easy opponent and nothing to worry about. Then they focus all of their attention on Nee-san. But then Nee-san doesn't care about it at all, so I have to deal with it! And most of them wouldn't back down! Do you know how many times I've had to resort to using Imaginary Numbers in weird ways? And then there were some freaks that liked that sort of thing, so I had to find other ways to deal with them!"

Shirou blinked, unable to say a word in response.

"Really," Sakura said. "The only saving grace to the whole situation is Ilya. She's been a great sister-in-law, you know? Her help is probably the main reason that you weren't swamped by girls when you headed back to London. Apparently, Archer's a bit too aggressive in their nightlife, so she was scrambling to find some allies. Thankfully, most of the girls attracted to you were equally attracted to Archer, so things worked out in the end, but still! Can't you go one week without adding another girl to your list? I'm the one who has to fix everything!"

Listening to his wife's rant, Shirou was immediately reminded of his reaction to Rin's antics. Any defense he could have had crumbled when he understood her sentiments.

"…I'm sorry, Sakura."

"…It's good that you are. But sorry isn't going to cut it, Senpai. I'm going to head over there in one week to meet this 'Akitsu' of yours. You'd better make sure that she's the only new one in our family, or we're going to have a long discussion about whether or not you can keep doing the cooking when you get back home."

Shirou gasped. "You can't be serious!"

"Oh, I'm very serious, Senpai. I'll even rope in Fuji-nee if I have to. And if that isn't enough, I'm sure that my new mother-in-law will be glad to help."

It took a moment for Shirou to realize who Sakura was talking about, and then he remembered.

The thought of Sakura, Fuji-nee, and Takami teaming up… while he wasn't too sure about how Takami was as a mother quite yet, he had a feeling that she was strict.

In other words… he would not like what happened next.

"…I understand."

"Good! Then… I'll see you soon, Dear." With those words, Sakura ended the call.

At the same time, Shirou had a sense of foreboding. This would be the first time Sakura called him Dear instead of Senpai.

He lowered his phone and was about to put it away when a text message popped up on the screen. Did Sakura have something else to say?

Clicking on the notification brought up the message and the contact name.

 _From: Smug Bastard_

 _Just overheard Sakura ranting to Ilya. Again. For a guy who gave up his ideals to be with his women, you're awfully fickle, aren't you?_

"Motherfuc-"

"Shirou-sama." Akitsu called out to him.

Turning around, he saw that Akitsu was standing behind him. For some reason, she looked concerned. That, and she seemed to be warning him about something if her subtle glances were any indication.

He was confused, and then he saw the one standing at the door.

Takami smiled, holding a rolled up magazine in her right hand. "…What was that about your mother?"

* * *

When Shirou had finally managed to calm Takami down and assure her that, no he wasn't cheating on his wife and that yes, he and his wife had a healthy and loving marital relationship, it was noon. Since she had a lot of work on her hands as a lead researcher at MBI, she was forced to leave. However, she made sure to remind him that they would have a long talk later about proper behavior and understanding a woman's heart. Also, she told him that he had a younger sister named Yukari who would probably visit him in a few days since she was accepted to a local university in Shin Tokyo and to make some plans for that.

That left Shirou alone with Akitsu. Since Sakura said she would be coming to visit in a week, it meant he had to stick around for at least that long. It also meant that he would have to hope Rin didn't get into any more trouble in the meanwhile.

To be sure, he had called her… but it seemed like she had forgotten to charge her phone again since the call went straight to voicemail.

After that, he considered just sticking around in his apartment. While he didn't have a computer on him, per say, he could pull one out of thin air that outstripped everything in the modern era by at least a few decades. Not only that, but since he could see and interpret the waves being used for wi-fi if he wanted to, there wasn't a worry about connection speed.

That would be the safest option to avoid any chance of encountering troublesome events. But that didn't take Akitsu into account, and it would be just wrong of him to ignore her while selfishly roaming the internet.

Not only that, but while he didn't really need food anymore, Akitsu definitely did. And the fridge was lacking a lot in terms of groceries.

In the end, Shirou bit the bullet and brought Akitsu out to go shopping.

It was a lively city block, the shopping district of Shin Tokyo. The sun shone bright from up above in the clear blue sky. Shirou had gotten into town on a Friday, so it was now the weekend. Due to that, a lot of people were around. Mostly young, since Shin Tokyo appeared to be dominated by university students and people around his age. They must have been out shopping for the same reason he was.

Altogether, it made for an ordinary weekend scene. Well, except for one thing.

"Aren't you embarrassed acting like that, Akitsu?"

In her joy of finding out that Shirou was her Ashikabi and realizing that she wasn't dreaming, on leaving the apartment, Akitsu had become inseparable. Holding his hand when they walked around, following him even when he went to the bathroom… if not for the fact that he was used to similar antics from Ayako in her more playful moods, he might have had a headache. But he was, so it didn't bother him too much.

Still, to hold his arm against her considerable chest that was still lacking proper support at the moment was drawing a lot of undue attention. He didn't mind, but he had to make sure Akitsu didn't as well.

She stared at him for a bit and then shook her head. "No, Shirou-sama. This is fine."

"I see."

Well, if she wasn't going to let it bother her, then Shirou definitely wasn't.

And that had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he was ignoring how Sakura would react if she saw that when she got to Shin Tokyo. Definitely not.

In that way, the new Ashikabi and Sekirei pair headed to the nearest grocery store. Along the way, Shirou did his best to ignore the envious gazes of the men he passed and the uncomfortable stares of the women that were eyeing him up like a piece of meat.

Of course, whenever that happened, the woman doing the staring would suddenly slip and fall as an invisible layer of ice formed beneath their feet.

Good job, Akitsu.

As they walked, Shirou also pointedly ignored the countless Sekirei he saw intermixed among the crowd. One was more than enough, thank you very much. And to make sure of that, he even went so far as to use his Sorcery to erase his magical presence. It was a bit of a brute force method, since it also distorted the world a tiny amount when he did so, but better that than risk Sakura's wrath by becoming the husband to another Sekirei.

They arrived at the grocery store without a hitch. It was one apparently owned by MBI since it brandished their logo on the walls, but seemed ordinary enough after that. Well, ignoring the twin women working near the entrance giving off a strong scent of ozone.

Akitsu stuck to her role like a newly-wed wife and pushed around a shopping cart for Shirou while he picked out the ingredients he would need to get all of the cooking out of his system before his inevitable ban next week. After an hour or so, they were finally checking out.

The clerk was an old lady, the sort that held a day job probably just to keep from boredom. She was short with a face wrinkled from age and graying hair, but her eyes brightened when she saw Shirou and Akitsu. A broad smile crossed her face and she said, "Newly-wed?"

Before Shirou could answer, Akitsu flushed red and nodded. With a bright smile, she whispered, "Forever and ever."

Hearing that, Shirou couldn't just deny it so he said, "…That's right. We're stocking up the fridge for the first time."

The old lady nodded. "Ah, I remember those days. Smart of you. Back when I was first married, we forgot to do that and had to eat take out for weeks. What I would have done to have a home-cooked meal in those days…" Although the old lady complained, it seemed to be in fond reminiscence.

Seeing that, Akitsu turned towards Shirou. Though she didn't say anything, it was clear that she was wondering what life would be like in the future.

…Shirou felt a headache coming on. Hopefully Sakura wouldn't get too upset. Though, considering how she ranted about Luvia, he didn't have his hopes up.

In any case, the old lady finished ringing up their groceries and gave Shirou and Akitsu a blessing for good luck in their new life together.

He thanked her as he looped over a dozen plastic bags around his arms and then left the store with Akitsu in tow. Considering what had happened so far, he would need it.

Of course, he never would have thought he would be needing it so soon.

After leaving the store, he and Akitsu had barely gone a few feet when a girl in a shrine maiden outfit ran past him and collapsed on the ground.

"Move out of the way!"

A voice called out from behind him. When Shirou turned, he saw that it was one of the twin women that had been working at the store. One of the Sekirei. Her hand was outstretched, lightning crackling in her palm, and she aimed it towards the girl in the shrine maiden outfit. Not far behind that woman, her twin followed, performing the same actions but mirrored.

"Shirou-sama." Akitsu quickly moved in front of him. Although she hadn't used her powers yet, the sudden drop in temperature showed that it wouldn't be long until she did.

Behind him, there was that shrine maiden girl. And she wasn't just any ordinary girl, but a Sekirei. And judging from the unstable nature of her mana, she was unwinged.

In front of him, he had two buxom female twins dressed as maids charging with lightning crackling in their hands. Facing them was Akitsu, who would probably go overboard in her protection and turn the entire shopping district into a winter wonderland.

Then there was him, who had his hands full with groceries, and the countless people in the vicinity who had their phones out recording the scene.

In short, it was a disaster. One that he would have to deal with because Rin probably forgot to inform the Second Owner of his presence and because he was technically intruding in the Second Owner's workshop and ongoing experiment.

"…Yeah, screw that. Time Alter: Zero _._ "

Everything froze. The twins, Akitsu, the crowd. Using the heritage of the Emiya line, Shirou grabbed Akitsu and the shrine maiden while time stopped and then left the scene.

…If anyone questioned him later, well, they could bring it up with Rin.

* * *

Minaka stared at the vast television screen serving as a monitor in his office. Barely a few hours into the Sekirei Plan, and a quarter of them had been winged. Although it wasn't a substantial amount, the data was showing that events were unfolding just as he planned.

However, there was one variable he didn't expect.

The monitor showed the list of Sekirei and Ashikabi pairs. On it, the pictures of various Ashikabi, along with lines pointing to the Sekirei they had winged, were displayed. Most were random nobodies, but there were a few notable names like that Higa something that thought he could rival Minaka's company and Seo, Takehito's old friend.

But Minaka ignored all of that, instead focusing on a single person that he had placed in the center of the screen. More specifically, he stared at the Sekirei paired with that person.

Number 7: Akitsu.

It was impossible. He had personally verified that her crest was ruined after that incompetent adjuster decided he knew better than Takami. Yet, the proof was right there, staring back at him. The system might not be perfect since he was still working out the kinks in the integration of thaumaturgy and technology, but it worked well enough to automatically detect and update every newly winged Sekirei. And apparently, that included when formerly scrapped numbers were reactivated.

But that meant that Minaka had to make a call. As the one responsible for overseeing the entire Sekirei Plan- no, as the Game Master, it was his duty to inform any new player of the game's rules and of their new responsibilities.

And so Minaka typed in the number that Miss Tohsaka gave him on his phone. Slowly but surely, each number appeared on the screen. And when the last had been inputted, he held his phone up, staring at the screen.

His thumb hovered over the call button. Just a single press and he would be speaking to his long lost son. His son. So there was nothing to worry about. After all, they were family! Sure they hadn't seen each other in over ten years and he had missed both of his son's marriages, but that was water under the bridge between magi, right?

It wasn't like Minaka was placing the world in danger or anything, so there was no reason for him to be worried about his son going off the rails-

Suddenly, Minaka remembered what he had decided for the third stage of the Sekirei Plan and the final remaining Ashikabi. Specifically, he remembered the fact that the Jinki were extraterrestrial artifacts capable of wiping out humanity if carelessly handled.

With that in mind, Minaka Hiroto did what any self-serving magus would do: shift responsibility. Changing the number on his phone, he pressed call and waited until the other person picked up.

"…Hey, Wifey- No, hold on! I promise it's not a big deal- Wait, wait, wait, don't hang up!"

* * *

Takami groaned and rubbed her bleary eyes. After flying around the city for the past few hours with the medic crew and retrieving the first few terminated Sekirei, she had returned back home to cook lunch for Yukari and then take a nap on her soft bed, two things she hadn't done for over a week now. Of course, luck would have it that the bastard would call her the moment she did. Not only that, but he dumped the only work he had in the Sekirei Plan on her, making it so that she was the one who would tell Shirou about his role as an Ashikabi.

If it wasn't for the fact that Yukari still loved the bastard Takami would have cut of all outside contact with him. But her daughter did, and so a dysfunctional family they were. One which now included a genius world-class researcher/entrepreneur/lecturer/whatever else her wayward son was.

"…Dammit. What did I do to deserve all of this?"

It was just her luck to get involved with troublesome events. She could have married that nice guy back in college, but _no_ , she just had to go off with the crazy bastard who thought he could save the world. Granted, he was a lot more attractive back in those days when he hadn't thrown caution to the wind. But now-

A knock on the door drew Takami out of her thoughts.

"Don't worry mom! I'll get it!"

Yukari called out to her. A few seconds later, Takami heard Yukari run down the stairs. Still groggy and irritated, Takami laid back down in her bed after hearing Yukari head off.

There was the sound of a door opening. A few seconds later, a familiar masculine voice echoed through the house. "…Excuse me. Is this the Sahashi household? My name is Shirou and I'm looking for my mother, Takami."

For a moment, there was dead silence. And then-

"Eeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh?! You're my Onii-chan?!"

Takami sighed and muttered, "…I knew I should have banned her from watching Anime."

* * *

A/N: Have a belated halloween treat! Still busy and working on my other stories as well as an original story for Nanowrimo, but since I use this as warm up and to just write shenanigans, you get an update!

Hopefully it's enjoyable? Either way, thanks for reading and hope you're all doing well!

Until next time!


	4. Chapter 4

Yukari swallowed and did her best not to drool. Since her mom was tired and taking a nap from being overworked, Yukari had taken it upon herself to go check the door. When she did, she was faced with a masterpiece of a man.

Chiseled pecs that rippled with every word he spoke. Abs so defined they could be used to grate cheese. Arms with biceps as large as her face. Powerful legs that looked like they could kick down even a steel door. And then there was the fact that he towered over her by at least a whole foot.

He introduced himself as Shirou. But more importantly, he said that his mom was Takami. Her mom. Which made him Yukari's long lost older brother that was mentioned the other day. Her Onii-chan.

She had screamed in excitement, but what else was she supposed to do? All her life, she grew up wondering what it would be like to have an older brother. She knew that she once had one and she visited his grave every year with her mother. But in practicality, she was basically a single child.

Because of that, Yukari decided to live vicariously as a little sister through her anime, manga, and ero- er, visual novels. Like Kana Little Sister and Oreimo!

You could say that Yukari spent her whole life waiting for the moment that Shirou had showed up.

In one lifetime, she would have nagged her long lost older brother with various clichés and not so subtle innuendos.

In another, she was blatant about her desires, egged on by a certain member of her long lost Onii-chan's lovers.

However, that was because her Onii-chan didn't look too out of the ordinary. That was to say, Shirou hadn't changed too much from… well, Shirou.

But the one in front of her was completely different. A body that was so perfectly defined professional body-builders would praise it. A face with chiseled cheekbones and a manly jaw-line. Hair that had gone gray early, but to a suave shade of silver rather than white. And then there were his eyes, calm pools of mercury that looked like the moon.

Yukari felt her face flush.

Her hot, manly, _sexy_ Onii-chan asked her a question that she vaguely remembered being about her- _their_ mom and Yukari gave a vague answer in response. Thankfully, Takami came down from the stairs before she could embarrass herself.

Taking the chance to escape, Yukari ran back upstairs to take a nice, long shower.

* * *

Watching the younger girl that could only be his younger sister, Shirou closed his eyes and quietly counted backwards from ten.

First of all, he was not a sis-con. That was Archer… who was also a loli-con in denial.

Just because she was legal didn't make it alright. And even if she'd managed to finally grow up after Shirou had gone and undone all of the Einzbern's tampering, it still didn't change the fact that Archer had some… questionable tastes by going out of his way to request mana transfers from her when she was already the most efficient and powerful Master in any Holy Grail War that had ever occurred, at least in terms of providing mana.

Unfortunately for him, while Shirou wasn't a sis-con, it looked like his newly reunited sister was _definitely_ a bro-con. And not in the adorable clingy imouto kind of way, but in the uncomfortable go-to-jail, get disowned, and be forced to elope kind of way.

…Was this Archer's fault? It was probably Archer's fault. If it wasn't, he was making it that smug bastard's fault. The bastard's self-proclaimed Harem Aura must have rubbed off on him since the last time they met. That or Archer's rampant pervertedness.

Sure, it must have been stressful being a nameless face for justice for essentially all of eternity, but there was a limit to what was socially acceptable!

"…Sorry about that, Shirou." Takami's words drew Shirou out of his internal monologue cursing out Archer and back to the present. "Your sister can be a bit… excitable at times. It's my fault for not paying more attention to what she was watching when she was growing up."

Shirou forced a smile. "It's fine. I'm used to it. My adoptive sister is pretty much the same-"

Oh.

Oh no.

He just realized.

Ilya and Yukari in the same room.

Two bro-cons, one an ex-legal loli and the other a barely legal woman.

The first a skilled temptress, and the second naïve but carrying a perverted streak a mile wide if her reaction to seeing him was any indication.

"Shirou? Are you alright?"

"…I'm fine. I just… had a scary thought. But it'll work out, so don't worry about it."

Right. It would be fine. All he had to do was make sure to have Archer stay far away from Shin Tokyo for about a week. If he did that, then Ilya wouldn't have a reason to come visit and try to get Shirou another little sister since she had graduated from that role.

…Except that he had nothing he could use to stop Archer since the guy was, well, him. Except more perverted. And smug. And sarcastic. And… actually, the only thing they had in common were their builds, hair color, eye color, and childhood. Everything past that was pretty much different.

"Anyway," Shirou said. "I have a problem."

"You have a problem? You?"

"Right. Me."

There was a reason why he had gone out of his way to leave Shin Tokyo with Akitsu and then packet sniff MBI's data to find Takami's home address. And that reason was lying on the floor behind him, bundled up tight with rope in a way that would leave even professional S&M enthusiasts blushing in shame.

Well, it would have. But with the way Musubi was dressed, it looked more like she was an offering to the demons and spirits than someone about to be ravaged in the night.

If anything, Shirou was the one who was almost ravaged, and that was after spamming over a hundred steel swords to act as a makeshift shield.

Even if he'd fought people with laser powers before, seeing a girl punch through steel that could stand up to a few Noble Phantasms with her fist and send basically a Kamehameha at your face before running after you with a crazed look on her face scared even him.

…Although the thought of Sakura being mad scared him more, so he threw caution to the wind and bundled her up like a dumpling before heading over to see his mom.

After all, parents were supposed to clean up after their kid's messes.

Right?

* * *

It was a karaoke bar famous in Shin Tokyo for being a rendezvous spot for hosts and their clients, especially when they wanted to be discreet. Homura, Sekirei Number 6, frequently made use of the place for his job. However, it was also a place that he agreed upon with Takami to meet and get information about any Sekirei that could use his protection while they sought out their Ashikabi.

As a single digit Sekirei and in repentance for his powers, it was the least he could do.

Well, that or kill Minaka Hiroto who was responsible for the entire ordeal, but considering how many layers of protection the mad man had around him, it wouldn't be happening any time soon.

In any case, Takami had called Homura a couple of hours ago. She sounded a bit tired, something Homura could sympathize with considering her role in the Sekirei Plan, and said that she found someone who could use his help.

So, trusting the one who had adjusted his body and stabilized his fluid Sekirei core, he went to meet her.

Like usual when he visited the karaoke bar, he was in his work outfit. A stylish black suit and tie. Sharp black pants and dress shoes. It was enough to draw anyone's eyes, but the staff working there simply gave him a brief nod before going about their business.

Professionalism at its best.

"So it's this room, right?" Homura arrived at the room that Takami had reserved ahead of time. Since the reserved rooms were mostly used for illicit affairs, the sound proofing was world-class. That meant that the hallway containing all of the rooms was dead silent. That was the case even if there might have been some of his coworkers getting a bit frisky with their clients a few feet away.

But that was a side tangent.

Homura used the card key he was given to unlock the door to the reserved room and walked inside. "I'm here, Takami-san. What did-?"

A pair of firm hands clasped his shoulders. Homura unconsciously gulped and stared at the one who had done so. First of all, it was a man. Second of all, that man was muscle-bound and strong enough that Homura couldn't escape. Third of all, the man was staring at Homura with the face of a drowning person that had just found a life boat.

But most importantly of all, the man caused Homura to react.

The fire Sekirei's eyes grew wide and he stared at the other occupants of the room. In the lounge, Takami was nursing a glass of straight whisky. Across from her, a woman with frost-colored hair glared at a woman wearing a shrine maiden outfit… who was tied up shibari-style?

"Homura-san."

The man spoke. A deep masculine voice that caused Homura's heart to pound in ways that he didn't know could happen and his body to flush like his clients normally did.

Homura gulped and unconsciously found himself staring back at the man. His eyes met a pair of silver orbs, glowing with soft light.

"You're my last hope."

The man's breath was warm, and feeling it caused Homura's body to shiver. Whether it was in disgust or pleasure, he didn't know, and that made it worse. But either way, his body began to get hot, uncomfortably so.

Wait, hot?

"I need you to-"

Before the man could say anything else, Homura's vision blacked out. But just before it did, Homura saw wings of flames in the corner of his vision.

…Huh. So that was what his wings looked like.

* * *

Shirou downed a glass of bourbon. Then a shot of whisky. And then a bottle of wine. Unfortunately for him, his body had completely transcended humanity years ago and so nothing happened other than his tongue getting the unfortunate taste of bitter alcohol.

"Goddammit. Why didn't you tell me that he wasn't winged, mom?"

The last word rang odd to Shirou's ears, but somehow made him feel a bit vindicated when he said it.

Takami, sitting across from Shirou, downed another shot and slammed her glass on the table. "How the hell was I supposed to know that you could wing a Sekirei by _breathing_ on them?!" She groaned and then massaged her forehead with both hands. "It shouldn't be possible. Sure, there's a bit of genetic material from the evaporated saliva in your breath, but no way in hell is there enough genetic material to cause a winging." She glared at Shirou and said, "You haven't been experimenting on your body or genetic code, have you?"

Shirou coughed, remembering his recent attempts at restructuring his magical circuits to integrate with the Emiya family crest. "O-Of course not!"

Takami kept glaring at him, but before she could say anything else, a low groan from nearby cut her off.

Homura rolled over from where Shirou had left him on the lounge and opened his eyes. "What hit me?"

Seeing that, Takami poured herself another glass.

Shirou made to do the same, but on seeing the glare his mother was sending him, sighed and turned towards Homura. "…Well you see…"

* * *

Homura sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

Today was turning out worse than the time he found out that Minaka was a controlling bastard who had the entire Sekirei race under his thumb.

"Let me get this straight. You're Takami's son."

Shirou nodded.

"And Takami… you're telling me that he somehow winged me by breathing on me?"

That time, Takami nodded.

"And the reason this all happened is because he somehow winged a scrap number, which got his wife upset, and then the Sekirei in the shrine maiden outfit over there started reacting to him."

Musubi shifted out from her bonds and said, "Mr. Shirou is super nice! I just know he's the best Ashikabi for me! He's strong, kind, and he's a wi- mmph!" A ring of ice suddenly formed around Musubi's mouth, gagging her before she could finish talking.

Homura ignored the antics playing out in front of him and poured himself a shot of vodka from the growing collection of alcohol that Shirou and Takami had left on the table. If he was going to get a headache from all of this anyway, then Homura decided it might as well be from a hangover. That and he was far too sober to deal with everything.

"…Well, fine. I guess it can't be helped."

What was done was done. While he wished that it could have happened otherwise, and while he definitely didn't think that he was going to be winged to a guy considering he was very much into women, Homura decided to just go with it.

For one reason, his new Ashikabi, Shirou, was Takami's son. Considering all that she had done for Homura in the adjustments, he could chalk up what happened as a favor for the years of frustration she felt trying to fix his unstable core. For another, Shirou was apparently happily married and very much into women as well. So much so that his wife had to set a pecking order and fend them off in droves.

But perhaps the biggest reason of all was…

"After we get out of here, Shirou,do you think you could sign my copy of 'Different Paths: Contemplations on the Human Soul'?"

…Homura was a fan of Shirou's metaphysics publications.

* * *

It was late at night. After the fiasco of meeting Homura and gaining another alien wife… husband… companion. That was the right word for it. Companion. Anyway, after gaining a new alien companion and that whole fiasco, Takami had excused herself by saying she had a backlog of work to attend to, Homura had left to grab his collection of books after getting Shirou's address, and Musubi… was slung over Shirou's shoulder as he made his way through the dark Shin Tokyo with Akitsu trailing behind him.

Shirou had learned from his mistakes though. At the moment, he was equipped with a hazmat suit that he requisitioned from Umbrella Corps. Although the company was now doing more benign research after he… _educated_ … the board and its chief researchers on why it was a bad idea to mess around with human lives, viruses, and viruses that could override human lives, the protective equipment they had was top tier.

It… kind of had to be, considering that the viruses they were working with when Shirou learned about the labs were volatile enough to start corrupting Dead Apostles due to _somehow_ adapting to the presence of mana.

Shirou still hadn't forgiven Rin for that. If it wasn't for coincidentally running across Tohno Shiki who had been looking around for clues of Arcueid after hearing about an old mansion filled with the undead, he would have had a huge headache on his hands completely wiping out the last of the virus without resorting to wholesale reality reboot since he had yet to get used to wielding his Sorcery with finesse in those days.

…Speaking about the guy, Shirou wondered how he was doing. The last time Shiki called, the guy was talking about something called the Moon Cell…

In any case, the point was that Shirou was completely prepared and ready to stop any and all potential wingings from that point onward. At least for a week. After that, Sakura would arrive and he could… probably? Handle what happened from that point on since she could see the insanity that had become his life.

Of course, that left the problem of dealing with Musubi. She was asleep now, worn out from constantly trying to get herself winged, but when she woke up the problems would start all over again.

…Maybe he should give Shiki a call. That guy knew how to deal with girls properly, unlike Archer whose response was to use his 'Unlimited Blade Works' on them into submission.

"…Yeah, that sounds good. I'll just give him a call when we get back to the apartment."

In the meanwhile, he'd just have to keep fending off Musubi's attacks. But with Akitsu around and her handy ice powers, it would be fine.

After all, his day was already all sorts of ruined. How much worse could it get?

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Shiroi-chan. And… is that Muu-chan I see there bundled up like a dumpling?" A voice called out to him. It was unfamiliar. Female and cold. However, when he turned towards it, he realized that he knew the person standing there.

Karasuba, the Black Sekirei, walked out from an alleyway. Her gaze briefly flitted towards Akitsu, but then she had eyes only for Shirou. "We were interrupted last time, but I just couldn't get the sight of your swords out of my mind." A wide smile crossed her flushed face and Karasuba placed a hand on the nodachi she kept at her side. "Why don't we dance for a while, you and I?"

Before Shirou had a chance to respond, Karasuba had lunged forward with a slash nearly invisible to the human eye.

But Shirou wasn't human. At least not anymore.

He also wasn't amused.

Faced with the situation unfolding before him, he could only think of one thing to say.

"ARCHER, YOU BASTARD! I KNOW THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"

* * *

Meanwhile, during the time Shirou was dealing with trying to avoid expanding his collection of Sekirei even further, Archer was lounging in the Einzbern's secret hot spring, the Valhalla Hot Spring.

After a long night enjoying the benefits of being an Eroge protagonist that he didn't get a chance to do while alive, the retired Counter Guardian decided to unwind a bit with his new favorite past time.

"Hm… it looks like he still hasn't noticed it yet."

Archer held a sword in his hand and gazed intently into its blade. …Well, he called it a sword and his reality marble considered it a sword, but to the average person it was pretty much just a phone with some otaku grip case that gave it a sword-like handle.

"Heh. This is why you need to clean up your reality marble every now and then, Shirou. You never know when you might accidently get a cursed blade or two stuck in there."

The blade (screen) showed Shirou struggling to avoid accidently winging either Karasuba or Musubi. After watching it for a while, Archer swiped the blade (screen) to check on the status of the sword he planted.

"…Only about a day left before the Harem Sword I planted disintegrates and he loses Harem Aura, and then another before the Monitor Sword disappears. Well, I guess it was fun while it lasted…"

Archer shrugged and then allowed his projected sword (phone) to fade back into thin air. After that, he sunk his body up to his neck in the hot springs and let out a content sigh.

Women, money, power… and the opportunity to annoy a younger version of himself.

What a great life he had.

* * *

Minaka stared at his computer screen with bloodshot eyes. His trademarked glasses were nowhere to be seen and neither was the playful chairman of MBI. But no matter how long he stared or how closely he watched the monitor, the messages on the screen didn't change.

"…I guess I'm screwed."

Within the Sekirei Plan's official opening day, his son had not only managed to wing a scrap number, but he managed to wing a single digit Sekirei, a double-digit Sekirei that really had the core of a scrap number, and then Karasuba.

Karasuba. No matter how much he stared at the screen, that name didn't change.

Karasuba… just how in the hell did his son pull that off? From what Minaka remembered about the Black Sekirei, Karasuba was a blood-thirsty killer with a complete disdain for humans, let alone the Ashikabi/Sekirei bonding process. That was why he sent her out as an enforcer. The Black Sekirei had no qualms cutting down any uppity brats who thought they could escape the blockade. Nor did she have any problems dealing with any problematic Ashikabi who thought they were all-powerful just because they chanced upon an overpowered alien lover.

So then why did she-

Before Minaka could finish that thought, his phone rang. Confused, he pulled it out. The caller id was unfamiliar, but the only people who knew his number were either his direct subordinates or Takami. That meant that it was probably important.

…So why did he have a feeling he would regret answering?

With bated breath, Minaka bit the bullet and… swiped decline.

* * *

Sakura lowered her phone and frowned. "No response, hm? Seems like it runs in the family after all. It's a good thing we aren't like that, are we, Nee-chan?"

"Mmph-hm!"

Sakura smiled and leaned over and patted Rin's head. "I'm glad you think so! Now, since you've been a really bad girl, it's time for round two of 'Teach me Mr. Squiggles'."

"MMMPH! MMMMPH!"

"Have fun. I'll make sure to tell Senpai that you've learned your lesson when I get back in… Oh, let's say two days. I told Senpai it'd take a week, but who knows how many harlots he would have run into by then? I'm sure he won't mind if I show up at his house tomorrow, right? I'm his wife, after all!"

"MMPH!"

"Ah, silly me." Sakura tapped her head and said, "You're right, Nee-chan. But I'm his _legal_ wife. You're just his work wife in London, remember? …No, I suppose you forgot since all of this happened."

Sakura shrugged and turned around and opened a door, pointedly ignoring the teary eyes of her tied up older sister behind her.

"Well, I'm off to go see Senpai and put the new girls in their place. When I get back, I hope you'll have thought long and hard about your position in this family and the consequences of increasing the amount of women around our dear husband."

"MMMMPH-"

There was a desperate and muffled scream from Rin as Sakura stepped through the door, but the moment she closed it, the scream vanished without a trace.

Well, of course. Even if the door was to Senpai's shed, the room had been in Sakura's 'Imaginary Space' after all.

"Hm?" Ayako, who was practicing in the dojo nearby, noticed Sakura and called out. "Did Tohsaka come over to visit, Sakura? I thought I heard her voice…"

Sakura smiled. "I'm sure you're just imagining it, Ayako-chan."

* * *

Meanwhile, across the yard and hidden in the bushes with enough runes that could ward off an Excalibur blast, Lancer shuddered.

"Damn. I knew that girl was scary, but to think that she was _that_ scary. No wonder Teacher said to never stick it in crazy…"

* * *

A/N: What happens when you get stuck on writing the next chapter for a story? And what happens when that's true for multiple stories? Why, you write for a story where anything and everything can happen of course!

Not that I'm procrastinating on those other stories, of course. This story is just a good way to unwind between having to carefully reason out what comes next in other more plot heavy stories. Consequently, more gets written out for this story than those do in a shorter time period.

Anyway, I'm glad that everybody seems to be enjoying the zany antics happening in this universe. I know I am at least writing them.

Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone's life is going well.

P.S: No Rins were harmed in the making of this chapter. Neither were there any H scenes occurring in the background. If you think so, then you have a very, very dirty mind.

P.P.S: I lied.

P.P.P.S: Or did I?


	5. Chapter 5

Shirou was angry. He was angry at Archer for causing the antics in the past few days. He was angry at Rin for causing the antics to be possible in the first place. And he was angry at Minaka Hiroto, who was responsible for the Sekirei Plan and releasing the Sekirei into the city.

But most of all, he was angry at himself for having been angry. Because of that, he had been swept in the moment. Rather than doing the smart thing and just leaving the scene with Akitsu and Musubi, he had gone and projected a sword to fight with Karasuba.

Part of it was to vent. The other was because… well, actually it was all just to vent. Since Karasuba was a Sekirei and not a human, he didn't have to hold back other than to use an ordinary steel sword.

To sum it up, the fight was one-sided in Shirou's favor. Since he could see any potential lethal (to an ordinary person) attack, he could easily dodge them and counter while Karasuba was forced into frantic defense. But as the fight went on, Shirou stopped bothering to dodge since it was just a waste of time.

And then his hazmat suit got ripped apart and sweat got on Karasuba and Musubi.

After the disastrous conclusion to the fight, Shirou had taken all of them back to his apartment. Akitsu was preparing various ingredients for him. As for the two newly winged Sekirei…

"I'm sorry, Mister Shirou."

"That's right. Muu-chan's sorry, Shiroi-chan. How about you let her go?"

Musubi and Karasuba were kneeling on the floor in front of him. He didn't order them to, so it must have been a subconscious reaction to his mood. Something written in their Sekirei genes.

He supposed that it would have worked for most people. After all, having a beautiful woman kneel down in front of you, let alone two, would make any man's heart soften.

Unfortunately for them, Rin had pulled that off one too many times in the past and made him clean up a dozen too many incidents.

And also unfortunately for them, that didn't change the fact that he was now a hundred percent banned from his kitchen in the foreseeable future. Considering that the Emiya Household's kitchen was always fully stocked and held his favorite cooking utensils and equipment, and that it was his primary way to vent whenever Rin went and caused another headache… to say he was angry was just a *bit* of an understatement.

Rationally, he knew it wasn't their fault. Who knew that Sekirei could get winged with just sweat? Even Takami was stunned when he called her about it. So it wasn't their fault.

Shirou knew that.

He knew, but it sure as hell didn't feel that way considering he'd have to deal with an upset Sakura, potential harem antics, and Archer's unrelenting ribbing in the immediate future.

So he didn't say anything and simply stared at the two women- two Sekirei kneeling before him.

* * *

Homura knocked on the door to Shirou's apartment. It was past midnight and he was skipping out on his job, but there was something more important to do that money couldn't buy: getting his first edition copy of 'A Different Path' signed by Shirou.

But there wasn't a response.

"…Maybe he's not back yet?"

Homura started to pull out his phone when he realized that the door was slightly ajar. He frowned and then pushed it open.

And then he froze in his tracks.

The first thing he noticed was Musubi kneeling on the floor. Although a bit strange, considering how she looked when Homura last saw her, he figured it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. However, the fact that Karasuba, the Black Sekirei and murderous women who had killed hundreds of people alone, was kneeling next to her was.

But that detail wasn't as important as the fact that Shirou was standing in front of the two. Not only that, but there was something _else_ standing behind him.

Maybe because Homura wasn't the designated target, he didn't get the full effects of it. However, he was still close enough to make out its details… or rather the lack thereof.

An eldritch creature hovered in the air slightly above the floor, twisting the very fabric of time and space. A dark miasma- no, that was a dark _light_. An impossibility that radiated energy that absorbed energy. The creature was covered in crimson lines and possessed countless tendrils squirming about in every direction. A few were wrapped around Shirou's neck, almost lovingly… if not for the fact that it was done by something that _should not exist_.

Homura quickly averted his gaze. He knew enough about eldritch abominations from Cthulu Mythos to realize it was a bad idea to keep staring. Unfortunately, he wasn't quick enough. The… thing, twisted what must have been its head and stared at Homura.

He held his breath.

And then it _smiled_ , revealing a perfectly normal human mouth beneath everything else.

The only reason that Homura didn't scream and run from that was because he had exposure to Miya's Hannya mask. Even then, cold sweat broke out over his body and he slowly backed out of the room, carefully shutting the door in front of him.

After a few minutes to calm his racing heart and block out what he had just seen from his memory lest the creature decide it was a good idea to haunt his nightmares, Homura knocked on the door. "Shirou? It's late, but are you still awake?"

Dead silence. Then, "Akitsu. Could you get that for me? I'm going to put these two girls to bed. It looks like they were so tired they fell asleep on the floor."

Like hell they just fell asleep!

…Is what Homura would have liked to say, but he knew better than to question someone with _that_ hanging around them.

A few moments later, the door opened again revealing Akitsu, who was wearing an apron over pink pajamas. "Homura-san. Come in. Shirou-sama is about to prepare dinner."

Before Homura had a chance to refuse, Akitsu had pulled him into the room and locked the door behind him.

"If you would like, feel free to take a seat in the living room on a couch. I'm sure Shirou-sama wouldn't mind." Saying that, Akitsu gestured towards the couches in the center of the room, a few feet away from where that _thing_ had appeared.

"…You don't mind if I help out with the meal preparations, do you?"

* * *

Takami was not having a good day. For one, her son had done the impossible again and not only winged another Sekirei, but _Karasuba_ of all people. And not normally either. No, he just had to go about it in a way that just. Didn't. Make. Sense!

It was the morning after they went to meet Homura. Takami already had a headache from all of the alcohol she had the other night, and now she had to not only deal with the headache from that bastard's mess, but also from her son's actions.

"…Damn. It must run in the family."

Minaka, Shirou… and come to think of it, Yukari caused a lot of headaches for her too in the past. All of those times about wanting to be a hero of justice or some magical girl…

Takami shook her head and then went back to what she was doing. Namely, going over the Sekirei data she had archived on her laptop.

The Sekirei Plan was in full motion now that the second day had passed. Because of that, Takami was flying around with her crew collecting the terminated Sekirei. Also because of that, Minaka was starting to restrict access to the main MBI databases. As much as that made Takami's work more difficult, she grudgingly admitted that it was a smart move on that bastard's part considering that there were Sekirei like Number 2 out and about.

Still, Takami had enough on hand from her own research that she could look up the cause of her son's latest antics.

"…and the winging process is caused by an exchange of genetic material from Ashikabi to Sekirei… Hold on." Takami frowned. "…It should be a mutual exchange, shouldn't it?"

The Ashikabi gave a Sekirei genetic material and received some in return. That allowed the two to resonate, creating a bond. The winging process. But her son had bypassed that. Instead of receiving, he had been one-sidedly giving. Yet, that was enough to complete the process. Even in the case of Akitsu, who had been a scrap number.

Not only that, but it was starting to look like even the smallest trace of genetic material from him was enough to cause a winging. First an indirect kiss, then breathing, and now sweat…

As a mother, it was her duty to help her son out of the mess he found himself in. But…

"Yeah, screw that."

Could it be said to be 'like mother like son'? Just as Shirou promptly ignored troublesome things, Takami did the same. She was aware that it would probably come back to bite her later… but with how things were going with her son, trouble was going to become a daily occurrence so she might as well accept that it was happening.

"Sahashi-san! We've located the next terminated Sekirei! It's a level three!"

Takami shut her laptop and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "…Alright. Let's get to it then."

She could worry about her wayward son later. At the moment, she had to save the other children she was responsible for.

...Although she couldn't help but worry that something more troublesome was brewing on the horizon.

* * *

Shirou took a long sip from his cup of tea. It was scalding hot and extremely bitter, but all the better for it.

After all, that matched his mood perfectly.

"Shirou-sama! What about this one?"

Musubi held up a box filled with books.

Karasuba glanced at the contents and then said, "…Muu-chan. I think it would be better if you left those aside for Shirou to sort through."

"Ah." Akitsu's voice echoed. "…Those are mine."

Shirou closed his eyes, took a long breath, and then took another sip from his cup of tea.

To sum things up, they were moving. Whether it was because of his luck, Archer's meddling, karma, or something else, he had received an email informing him of his lease being immediately terminated for 'unspecified reasons'.

Of course, that didn't stop him from finding out the real reason.

Apparently, the owner of the apartment building was a young tycoon. When someone complained that they kept seeing Shirou walking in and out of his room with various women, he had been jealous that someone was getting more action than him and so ended Shirou's lease. He still had a few days to move and, since it was Takami who dealt with the paperwork for him, he could probably contest it… but with things as they were, he decided it was better to just leave and be done with it.

Which led to the current situation: his newly married Sekirei wives (and husband) packing while he relaxed with a cup of tea.

Now, you might be wondering why he wasn't helping out. After all, he was the all-powerful Sorcerer that even Primate Murder ran away from these days.

The reason was simple.

"…Shirou," Homura said. "Why do you have a box of rubber dil-… actually, don't answer that."

"Ah. That's also mine."

…He already did. Everything that was left were either non-essentials that could be tossed out… or things that Akitsu has somehow managed to buy without Shirou noticing. Not only that, but they were things that would only be awkward for him to see.

So, he drank some tea.

Tea was his friend. A faithful companion throughout the years to help tide him through difficult times. Even when he was forced to deal with a horde of undead sea creatures to save a giant talking crab after it decided to rob from their graves, tea helped him maintain his sanity. And that had been the case since his days in the Holy Grail War where that guy kept teasing him about his love affairs.

Yes, tea. Black tea, green tea. Sweet tea, bitter tea. A tea for every occasion. No matter what it was, after he finished, it would be like he swallowed his emotions. In return, a calm and rational state of mind would be left. And that was exactly what Shirou needed at the time.

Right. So calm down, enjoy the tea, and-

'Onii-chan! Help me!'

-Curse his damned luck and that smug bastard Archer for somehow shifting it onto him.

Shirou gently set down his cup of tea. As much as he wanted to smash it in frustration, it was his only companion in a reality that seemed to be turning topsy turvy on a daily basis. That done, he let out a long sigh, opened his eyes, and stood up.

"Shirou?" Homura was the first person to notice. "Is something wrong?"

'Onii-chan!'

There it was again. A voice… young. Feminine. It wasn't Yukari, so someone else. And if the pattern of events kept going as they were, he had an idea of who… or rather, what might be calling out to him.

"Homura-san. You're the Guardian of Sekirei, right?"

Homura nodded. "…That's right. I haven't gotten much of a chance to patrol recently because of… well, you know. But I am. Why?"

Shirou turned towards the source of the voice. Whether by coincidence or design, it was in the direction of his patio, meaning he could see exactly where it was coming from. And from the rapidly growing trees and greenery in the middle of Shin Tokyo, it seemed like he knew where to go.

"Someone's asking for help and…"

…It would probably cause another headache in the long run, but Shirou couldn't help it. After all…

"It's not wrong to want to save someone."

Needless to say, he would soon be regretting those words.

* * *

A/N: Merry Christmas! Not much, but hope it was a bit entertaining!

Next time: "I am not a lolicon!"


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